Total Abandonment

Its been months since Ive written on my blog. For that I'm sorry. I'm in that moment where I'm trying to figure "things" out. Figure out what I'm doing and why on earth do I keep making the same choices? Will I ever learn? This year I wanted to do something different.......! Doesn't everyone want that? I quit expecting things. I quit expecting God to show me the way....Yes. I'm being honest! But despite the lack of answers or should I say questions Ive chosen one thing. I want total abandonment. I want to give it all to GOD!

Stay tuned.....I will tell you just how I'm going to do it too....:)

Love,
P.J

Chef Plain Jane? I think NOT!

Cooking to me is like some far away mystery that I still haven't uncovered. I guess I need to explain why I lack the skills of a good cook in the kitchen. First off, My mom really didn't cook alot when I was a kid. Well, if she did she only cooked certain dishes that she knew. When you get down to it its like only three dishes so. Needless to say I didn't really have much bonding time and learning experience in the kitchen with my mom. Secondly, I do not want to become some woman who slaves over the kitchen all day and then serves her food nervously looking at her husband and waiting for his approval. Granted I'm not married. But I do sometimes cook for my dad and I catch myself looking at him waiting for him to say something. Which he always says its fine. My food equals fine? OK, see cant you tell that I might indeed really be bad at cooking? Anyway I always end up burning something and I never know what to cook. This has become really clear as I'm now watching the movie Julie and Julia.

The movie is great I believe. The food looked absolutely great too. But It made me think about my skills in cooking. So I got inspired to learn how to cook. It was kind of funny to think about Blogging about this because Julie Powell has blogged about her whole story and her project and everyone knows about it. But I have been blogging for over a year and I'm not some culinary student who wants to blog about food. I'm just a girl who has come to the conclusion that she needs to learn how to cook. Not just for myself but for my future husband. I'm not sure I will even post more about my cooking. But I just wanted to say that I have been inspired to learn. I'm not setting out to prove anything. I'm just giving a small nod to Julie and Julia the movie. It has inspired me to cook. I believe apart of hell must have frozen over because this is really unlike me to decide to learn how to cook. Anyway wish me Luck.

Love always,
P.J

Perfection Dismissed..Its about lilttptbp...

Years ago I would just sit back and stare at my friends wishing I looked like them. I remember those moments we would all be fighting for mirror space trying to apply our makeup. I would always feel out of place even when I managed to do my makeup like them. I had always thought to myself that I would never look as pretty as they would. I use to compare myself to them and I didn't like what I came up with. There I was at the age thirteen thinking all of this. Back then the age of thirteen was usually the time that most girls began to think more about their appearance. At least that was the age when it began to matter to me. I began trying to be perfect at everything. I tried to be perfect the way I would dress, even the way I carried myself. Even back then I didn't set out and say to myself "I want to be perfect". I just found my self doing it . I would take tips from fashion magazines and I would cut out pictures of models of who I wanted to look like. I began to dress like my friends. I went from just basic clothes to wearing lots of black once because one of my friends began to dress Gothic.

But in the end I was still Plain Jane. I could never really let go of my old pair of jeans and my baggy shirts. That was what made me realize I would never be a full pledged fashionista or just like every other pretty girl . I was me and that had to be enough. So I did the one thing I knew to do. I wore what I wanted and made it clear I wasn't going to follow the crowd. I didn't have to be pretty. But deep down it did matter. Even when for awhile I stopped wearing makeup. My friends didn't say much but when it came time to go out, they always pushed me to "dress up". The problem was I didn't know how I wanted to be. I didn't know that I could still be pretty and look like myself. I was stuck. I thought if I gave in and just applied some eyeshadow and blush that I would become someone I didn't really like. So I continued to struggle with it, all the way up until high school. By then I was wearing what was comfortable. I liked it but something was missing still.


Years later I'm twenty one and I know exactly who Iam. I know That I'm pretty regardless whether I wear nice sunny dress. Whether I keep up with all the latest fashion. I'm pretty just wearing jeans and a shirt. I made the mistake when I was young to think that what I looked like and what I wore defined me. I know now it matters what's on the inside. I like to wear makeup when I feel like it. I get "dressed up" when I want to. I no longer strive to be perfect somehow. Because I know God created me, and he knew what he was doing. I love the skin Iam in now. Because of this I have latched on to a campaign that really has touched my heart.

The day that the MTV awards aired I watched with amazement as Demi loavto came on stage. I had recently heard her new song "Skyscraper". I knew it was a song about her recovery. It didn't surprise me that a young girl like her has struggled with her self image. Especially working in the industry that she does. In her speech she mentioned something I really like. Later on I researched it a little more and realized this chick is brilliant. Demi loavto's campaign is this: LOVE IS LOUDER...THEN THE PRESSURE TO BE PERFECT! I let that sink in for awhile. It rings true. I now know that you have to truly love yourself for who you are. Not for what people want to make you out to be. My only sadness is that young girls today are developing self image issues even younger then I was at thirteen. They strive for this "prettiness" and for "perfection".

My desire is that all women and young girls out there will learn about this campaign. That they will begin to see that perfection can be dismissed. I know that its not easy. I have been there and I know how much it hurts when you believe your not pretty. But I also know you can grow. You can learn what true beauty is and where it comes from. There's hope , you just have to find it. That's why I encourage you to rise up and find out for yourself what this campiagn is all about. Once you do, you'll see that Love can and always will be louder then the pressure to be perfect. I guarantee that!

Love always,
P.J

Desktop Inspiration

So I google alot, more then anyone I know. Last night I was working out and I decided to find some inspiration in the form of a picture. So who better to inspire me to get abs then Jillian Micheal's? So as I clicked on the right button she ended up on my desktop. I found inspiration. I know it sounds crazy but that's where I get inspired. It's not from DVDs of exercising or anything. But from just a picture. It's something that reminds me of why I'm running in place or doing a dance workout. Sometimes in the past I've used a pair of jeans, that I love. But can't wear in less I'm like five pounds smaller. Lately that hasn't been enough. So I need more. Since this year has started I need more to keep me going. I mean that's what happens sometimes in our "diet plans". We lose motivation and then just give up. So I encourage you to find your "picture" or your whatever that inspires you to push it into gear. So as I look at my desktop at my inspiration I plan to keep at it. My workout's will get tougher, and for that I have to thank Jillian Micheal's.

Duir on a mission

Spreading God's love one bible at a time. This is basically the greatest mission statement ever. McKenzie Duir may be just a young child of God, but she has major understanding of what God's love is. She wants nothing more then to share God's love and most of all his brilliant and loving word. So this young child of God has prayed hard about her new ministry .A ministry that allows others to receive bibles. So everyone who has the desire to get plunged into the word can. To know how McKenzie fully thinks you must first know she loves her Savior. Knowing her savior loves her also. She also knows he loves others. In Saying that she has begun this revolutionary idea, I say that because most kids don't intend to take on such a role. I hold high praise to this awesome young lady of God. God has already promised her many blessings and she in turn has blessed many and will continue to bless others. She has been quoted saying, “What I want to do with my life has nothing to do with a job. No matter what I do, I have to find a way to serve.... It fills me up like nothing else. The joy of helping someone or spreading love to someone is addictive. My mom says that helping people is what makes my heart sing. She’s right. It’s not worth getting out of bed in the morning if I’m not getting out of bed to help someone.” ......Wow folks, It warms my heart to hear her speak like this. I know she will do such an awesome job. If you want to know more, please visit her page on facebook. Her non-profit organization is called BIBLES FOR BUDDIES! Please check her out and if God leads you to help her out, I give you a blessed thank you in advance.

Ambitions on a Budget

If money grew on tree's folks I would be a published author right now. I would have my dream house and every small or big dream of mine would be happening just as I'm typing this all down. But hard truth is I'm twenty one years old, working at a job that has cut hours off like its nobodies business. It's taken me years to know and to define the truth of my dreams. I know exactly want I want and I see that I can do it. I'm determined to do it. But It's going to be on a budget. I don't have thousands of dollars and to be honest I have about five bucks in my bank. Five dollars and here I'm dreaming big. It's my greatest ambition to publish a book. That here on earth people will be so taken with my stories,that it will make them think. I sometimes wonder about god and his dreams. Does God have his budget? I think he does, but it's not about money for his part. It's about our journey. The journey becomes his type of budget. He lets us live our life a certain way everyday. He gives us opportunities to accomplish things. Then our journey moves along. Like my budget,when I save it moves along. God's budget is so important because it's his will for his vision for us to be accomplished. Just as its important for our own ambitions, or dreams to become a reality. It's important to not forget that whether your budgeting money or something else, remember God has budgeted your journey for you. Don't waste his "move along's".

Arizona Arizona

I spent three days in Tuscon, Arizona. It was a great place to visit not only because my sister lives there but because it's beautiful there. The weather was nice, it was cool and breezy. I was expecting to sweat half of my body weight off. Because it is the desert people, and you have to show some respect to the sun. The background of Tuscon, is very mellow colors. Like brown and a little hint of dark red. It's not like alot of trees or anything. But they have cactus. Which I just had to get a picture with because I felt the great need to do it I suppose. Let me talk about the mountains now. The mountains are breathtaking at every angle you stare at them. I got the chance to go to Mt. Lemmon which I got to hike a 350ft long path. My sister and I ventured off course. We took some great pictures too. But the mountains were amazing but the shops I visited were even better. Yes, I did say shops. I went to Fourth street avenue where there were so many amazing little shops. It was such a bohemian style vibe there. I felt very at peace there. So one would think it couldn't have gone better but it did. I got to visit a base.Because my sister is in the military I got to visit the air force base . My trip was short but it was great . I wish I could write down everything. But simply I just want to say it's one of the best places I've ever gotten to travel to. A great salute to Arizona.

Love,
P.J